Some things that have been running through my head lately.
Lots of people have been posting lately about being more REAL. Less of the “this is how I want you to see me.” And more of “this is how I really am.” With the pictures we show of ourselves, the things we blog about, everything. www.thereignofellen.blogspot.com & People of the Second Chance are the things that have inspired me to show this:
This is me running. In pain. And ready to collapse. After 3.1 miles. Not 26.2. After 3.1 and I had trained for this. I feel like I SHOULD like running. Like I SHOULD enjoy it & be good at it. But I don’t. It’s painful & frustrating.
Now even though I’m smiling, I’m trying to mask my utter frustration. This is me “skiing.” I spent most of my 1 run down the mountain like this. Without the smile. I don’t really like skiing. At all. It’s hard & scary & bring me to say things like “I hate this!” As we were trekking over to the actual ski lift. BEFORE we even got to the ski lift. But I feel like I SHOULD like skiing. But in all honesty, I don’t.
Now, I don’t want to live a truly comfortable life. I want to stretch myself & learn new things. And I’m not completely opposed to learning to ski or learning to run. But if we’re being REAL, then my motivation to do them right now is because for whatever reason I feel like I SHOULD want to do them.
And here’s a picture of that:
This is Ben & I at the top of Mt. Huron. A 14er we summited last year when we were in Colorado. And I’m not sure that there is a way to convey to you just how much this picture means to me. Because from this picture, you can’t see the serious mental/emotional breakdown I went through on the way up. The tears and seriously negative self-thinking that was going on in my head. And I didn’t make it to the top b/c of anything I actually had in me. But I wanted to do it for me. Not for anyone else. I needed to make it to the top for ME. But I did NOT make it to the top alone.
How can you be more REAL today?